5 Ways to Overcome When Other Moms Judge
Being a mom is hard work. We are tasked with protecting, teaching, nurturing and loving our children, not just for 18 years, but for their entire life. And while motherhood has made many of us happier, wiser, more patient, and more companionate, often times moms make assumptions and question the parenting choices of other mothers, labeling them as a “good” or “bad” mother simply because their choices may not look like your own.
I can allow myself to fall in the trap of insecurity and try to stress about pleasing others, but that does that prove? And, why should I care? Comparison is one of the worst things that a mom can do to herself and others. Fortunately for me, my identity is not in others, but in Jesus Christ. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10.
Here is what I realized:
1. People judged Jesus, and they will judge you. But it’s not on you. It’s all on them and their insecurities. He was perfect, and they still judged him, so you should expect it’s going happen to you, and brush it. Remember where your identity is.
2. You love your child, and you were given this special task to train up the child, not the other person. Jesus knows it. You know it. I know it. And if they knew you, they would be ashamed of themselves and be there to provide assistance when needed.
3. Don’t let other people’s misguided notions hurt you. They are the ones with a problem. They don’t know your life. You don’t have to pay them any attention. There is no right way to parent child because all children are unique and special.
4. Do your best, and let the rest go. Take a deep breath and give yourself grace. It’s easy to wallow in mistakes. Truly, I know. I know the anxious feeling as I have expressed here, but I know the freedom that I have felt too.
5. Lastly, remember that they are just as lost and imperfect as the rest of us. No one is perfect. I’m not. You’re not. They’re not. This means I must allow others to make mistakes, even when that includes judging me.
How have you been hurt by others who might not even know they hurt you? What helped you get past it? What would you say to a hurting friend in this situation?
Jennifer
Wife. Mom. Editor. Host. Speaker. Culinary Explorer. Fashionista. Altruist. Persuader. Coffee Aficionado. Arachnophobic.
21 Comments
Jessica
Yes, I have been hurt by people who probably didn’t mean it. As the mom of a special needs child, it happens all the time. In the future, I will just remember your examples (especially about Jesus) and feel better. Thanks!
Jennifer B
Thanks for sharing, Jessica! You are ana amazing mom…I bet your child would tell me that too. :))
Tracy @ Using Time Wisely
Though we cannot change someone else, we can control our reaction. I’m not saying it is easy, but that’s all I can control. The rest I must leave with my Heavenly Father. Finding my security in Him, relieves the pressure I might feel regarding acceptance by others. In using time wisely, I must learn to react kindly, no matter the attack. Happy learning!
About JollyJilly
thank you for sharing this lovely post. I think we all hope we are great parents but we can only do our very best.
Melissa
What a great reminder for all of us moms! Just like you said on my blog that “Blogging is unique to everyone because of their focus and dreams – kind of like our brains” … parenting is much the same way in that we are all unique and have special gifts from above!
C. Lee Reed
Thanks for this post. As helicopter parents, we are routinely judged for what society feels we are doing to our child, regardless of whether of not they know us. We are used to this now and actually found a way to harness the blessings of the title, our blog http://www.helicoptermomandjustplanedad.com, so we’ve enjoyed the irony of others teasing. I also remind myself each day not to become judgmental of others, even if their opinions differ.
andi
Children are a gift from God, NOT from others – don’t sweat what others say….
Susan
I have been hurt, and I’m sure I have hurt others. May we always be gracious to one another in the same manner that He is gracious to us!! Thank you for the lovely post.
Dominique Goh
I too have been hurt at some time or another by other mothers but then have developed a very thick hide. I stick by the belief that I know the best for my children and whatever the other parents say I take with a big pinch of salt.
Mrs. Stephens
I know exactly what you mean with this post. Its so funny I was just trying to teach my nephew that sometimes we have to ignore what people say and walk away but we all know words can cut like a knife. Even when people don’t mean to they can hurt you especially when it comes to parenting. Thanks for such a great post. It was so inspiring to me.
Felicia
I’m not yet a mother, but I certainly know where you’re coming from. I’ve always been judged for the things I did and did not do, but it has honestly helped me to learn and grow. I’ve been hurt by what people have said about me, but I never let it get to me enough to let it ruin my day. I try my best to brush things off and if I can’t, I have to figure out another way to deal with what’s been said or done. People are always going to have different opinions, but you’re choice as to what you do with what is given to you.
Nikki
Everyone parents in their own way, and I think that other parents need to accept that. It seems like moms judge each other very harshly at times. Whether it’s the breastfeeding versus formula feeding debate, the decision to use disposable diapers over cloth, or the shows we let our children (or don’t let them) watch on TV, it seems like so many moms are quick to say “oh, you’re totally wrong.” As long as your children are happy, healthy, and educated, you’re doing it right in my opinion.
Sara Duggan
Wow, I just wrote a post about judging last week however I wasn’t receiving the judgment I was the one judging.
Funny thing though about judging – like you said – it only reveals the insecurities of the person doing the judging.
I think MOMS in general get a lot of judging – from society, from teachers, from other moms, from complete strangers in the market – it is crazy. Oh, and there is always someone ready and willing to give advice or tell us how they would raise our child – But wait – keyword – our child.
We need to hand out ‘good job’ cards to moms just to let them know that they are doing a fabulous job.
Yona Williams
Sometimes, I think people judge others harshly because they are battling their own insecurities and don’t want to admit it to themselves.
Judgement is everywhere and people will criticize you right down to the shoes you wear.
I used to be thin-skinned about people ‘judging’ me (especially behind my back), but I’ve learned over time to ignore it. People will find themselves much happier when they don’t let others dictate their actions and feelings.
Michelle @ Divas With A Purpose
Great post! Often those that have hurt truly felt they were helping. Unfortunately unsolicited advice when you’re unaware of the total situation can be detrimental and completely out of place. Thanks for the gentle reminder that sometimes it’s best to hold our tongues and just pray for the situation.
Kim (Babyw8)
This is very true. I try not to pay attention if someone is trying to judge me. I know what is right for me and my family.
Carrie
Some great insight here. I am often judged regarding the size of my family. I have had to learn to let it roll off my back and know that God lead us to the family we are today.
Kecia
As a first time mom, it’s easy for others to hand out “advice” or offensive commentary, whether they realize it’s hurtful or not. I wasn’t prepared for that! Now though, I’ve gotten used to it and I just let it roll off. I know my son is well taken care of and that’s all that matters.
Jean @sonotorganized.com
I think experience is a great teacher and usually those that judge just haven’t experienced as much. It’s easy to judge the parents of say a teenager until suddenly you find yourself the parent of a teenager and oh, it is not so easy after all (not quite the parent of a teenager yet but inching closer all the time–eek!). I do my best to remember I live in a glass house and am fortunate to have friends who will call me out on that should I forget.
Conversaving
Yes! I actually had a friend offend me today, but I began to think of her heart and her intentions and I realized that I could be the bigger person and forgive and move on. God has blessed me and I know I have judged and offended others at times. It is so much better to forgive than to hold a grudge. The reminder to refrain from judging was timely.
Erin @ My Mommy World
I agree with you! Being a mom is a lot harder than people realize, especially when your kids are very young. I have had people give me dirty looks when we are out in public and one of my kids are throwing a fit or acting crazy in some way. I used to do that myself, before I had kids, but now I know better! I now just accept that nobody is perfect, especially me, and that I will make mistakes.